260 – Leading as Aunts & Uncles

Aunts and Uncles are often halfway between a parent and a grand parent. In some ways, they are less of both, in some ways they are more.

A grandparent can tell the parents how to parent because the parents are the grandparent’s children; and aunt or uncle cannot because that would likely start a fight between adult siblings.

The whole family shares the obligation to provide leadership for the young. When adult siblings disagree about household affairs—likely dating back to debated ideals from childhood—the best leadership is by example. Parents lead in their own way and welcome the cousins, celebrating and learning from differences.

Cousins parents know each other because they grew up together. They know what they would do and few discussions would ever be new. Having aunts and uncles is one of the best graces God gave to the family structure because the cousins are different, yet the same. Aunts and uncles can’t just step in to “raise nieces and nephews correctly”, to do so would be foolish. They must lead with positive support, picking up the normal slack of human nature without interfering. Of course, they must also be tolerated, keeping parents on their toes.

In the later years, when the grandparents pass on, aunts and uncles become the new pillars for the family. They can offer wisdom and leadership, hospitality and help, a space to get away, harsh lessons, and kind counsel. The wise, great aunt keeps the family history and opens her doors to everyone in the family.

The “rich uncle” is a recurring reality. Often, the uncle became rich due to differences of philosophy from childhood. He was hated and everyone else became poor. In the adult years, his pleasure is to spoil the nieces and nephews, not out of spite, but to prove both that he was right about money and that, more importantly, it doesn’t matter. The cousins are all taken care of and the rich uncle’s siblings need not worry about their children’s future.

The aunt and uncle have much to teach the world and much to be emulated. Sometimes it’s best to see yourself as the aunt or the uncle in the room.

261 – Success Language

There is a language that some people speak and it is only known by other people who speak that language. It is a language of “success”, built on a set of presuppositions about what it takes to succeed.

This is not superstitiously-defined “success”, presuming that “success” is a certain lifestyle or amount of money or fame. This kind of “success” is literal, only meaning that one achieves whatever one attempts.

People who speak this “success” language say what they mean and mean what they say. Their “yes” means “yes” and their “no” means “no”. So, they are not fond of needing to say things twice.

They never enter a situation without knowing what they want to do and being absolutely determined to “succeed” in getting it. Their goal may not be what you think. They might enter a sales conversation with the goal to understand someone, not to make a sale. Even if they don’t make a sale, they will understand that person—as was their goal—and it will benefit them because all of their goals will help them to “succeed” with other goals.

As customers, they know what they want or they know what things they don’t know about what they want. They may not know what they need to purchase, but once the salesman answers their questions, they might instantly make a purchase. This can surprise salesmen because most customers don’t speak the language of “success”. For many, “sales” is about manipulating people who are “success” illiterate.

As Christians, “success” presumes obeying the Bible—living by Biblical morals, loving others, being responsible, worshiping Jesus above all—the usual Christian values. When they meet another person who claims to be Christian, they will interact with that person under Christian assumptions unless they doubt whether that person is a reliable, genuine Christian. The same applies to political, economic, and any other ideals.

The secret of “success” language is to maintain the presumptions. If you speak the language of “success”, when you encounter people who don’t, they will try to “teach” you, presuming that you don’t understand something. Actually, they are the ones learning. The best thing you can do is maintain your “success” presuppositions.

262 – God Has You

The keystone to lasting success is to surrender your work to the Lord God Most High and beg Him to guide you. A supernatural life in prayer and a mind conditioned by time with the Bible will yield lasting results that all the sales closing strategies in the world can’t beat. While you work and try, push and strive, but you don’t see many results, note that God still sustains you. His provisional hand brings you what you need, including daily difficulty that teaches you and makes you stronger.

Some people call these difficulties “exercise”; with physical bodies people seek out exercise and even pay big money for it, but with life skills many often decide that exercise is somehow bad. Actually, exercise is healthy in any area of life, whether body-building or character-building.

Instant prosperity without education and painful strengthening will only harm you. You may already have success, but the results have not yet arrived. Throttling the prosperity of your wise diligence is also a need, but it is a need you cannot throttle yourself. Only God can set the due payment for Life’s Laws and the Laws of the Universe—all of which He created for our enjoyment.

So, while you wait and trust God—dedicating your ways to Him, praying for Him to show you what to study and where to focus your product road map—know that He actively governs your speed to give you optimum benefit.

Jesus taught that the Father is glorified when we bear fruit. God wants you to prosper, but in the healthiest, longest-lasting way. He will give prosperity to you, He already has been.

Look back through your life—how you learned from bad choices, how you endured life’s struggles, how you survived, and how you will continue to. Don’t compare your results to others when asking whether your life is working. Spend large amounts of time in prayer, asking God to help you understand who you are, Who He Is, and what He wants you to do next. Pray that He would send you prosperity in whatever form is most suited for your time and place. And, pray for joyful stability through it all.

Psalm 37:5; 55:22, Philemon 4-7, 1 Peter 5:6-11

263 – Demonstrate Money Liberally

We must work for whatever we have, otherwise we will not understand what we have and thereby get ourselves into trouble. Few things harm the poor like unearned money dolled out. To a money-savvy society, even the poor will not accept a handout because they don’t want to shortchange their “money skills”, which improve only by working to earn their keep. Their choice is part of dignity, another reason why the wise poor man will not accept handouts.

There is no folly in being poor, only in seeking results greater than one’s own work. This seems cold-hearted to people who do not understand money. It also seems like a lame excuse to not give away money. But, there are other ways to be charitable and show liberality of the “Noble Habitus”. One example is God’s command in Deuteronomy to exercise liberality with debt and when harvesting crops. Food and clothing are another way.

Business opportunities are another opportunity for charity. Say you know a poor man. Consider giving him a business plan that is very difficult for him to fail with if he merely shows up and works. Embed in it a chance to help him grow his own money as a business owner, using money you might otherwise donate to charity. “Risking” money with him could tip dominoes to help many more people—all because one are of neglected poverty is “money smarts”. Give him the opportunity to observe money as it moves through accounts, teaching only by example how money works—no lecturing. If he fails, you can forgive him and the interaction with you might have demonstrated more shrewd godliness than he had opportunity to learn elsewhere.

Financial poverty is often but a symptom of other types of poverty, including healthy rants around the dinner table where the wise, strong-minded, wealthy leaders teach virtues unknowable through public education. Take a few disadvantaged youth golfing, buy them the proper attire in the name of “proper dress”; give it to them “because you don’t fit his size”; demonstrate liberality while others saves face. Walking and swinging on the fairway, they may rub shoulders with people they might otherwise never get close enough to smell.

264 – Leading as Grandmama

In the 1997 film, “Soul Food”, the lead character named Grandmama fixed every problem in the family, merely by loving everyone. The family was full of problems, blood relatives and in-laws alike. Everyone needed a good sitting-down and told like it was, but Grandmama didn’t state the obvious. She just laughed, giggled, played, and made everything okay. She didn’t cover up or hide problems; she completed the greater mission of keeping the family together.

Sometimes, the best way to solve a problem is to just ignore it. Tell a joke. Make everything okay. Help the tired, self-destructing child get to bed—sleep is the need, not a lecture. Run the late dinner to the guests at the table and drop a small self-depreciating joke that would make anyone’s enemy would pause to chuckle. Smile and ask the 18 year old who ran out of gas, “Did we learn anything here?”

Don’t make matters worse by adding insult to injury. You may thing the punitive fine is educational; it’s not. Punishments are a deterrent, but even police are allowed discretion, choosing whether or not it would help or harm to issue a fine. To educate people is the goal. No one wants to fail and being stopped by the cops is more than enough to tell most everyone to get their heads in the game.

Fools hurt themselves, but they are still hurting. Don’t cave into that instinct to beat up the beaten down. A little well-placed compassion, a foot-up, a line tossed, an anonymous bus pass paid—charitable deeds communicate clearly that the fool’s blunder was seen, that the fool only fools himself, and that the fool is loved by a God who loves all fools.

It’s not anything complex to know that gently keeping the peace will make one valuable, both at the office and in the social stream. It’s not irresponsible to not scold everyone for every stumble. The pavement is a teacher good enough. Restating the already taught makes oneself ordinary, not marketable. The world of the self-ruined need news, hope, something they don’t know. We need help knowing it’s okay to walk again. We need people who will be like Grandmama.

265 – Psychology of Resistance

If people can’t fix a problem then they may not complain about the annoying, rude, unpolished people who accomplish the good thing that they couldn’t.

Tyrants complain about a problem, never solve it, amass power, and fight those who actually solve problems.

While many rules are silly—especially laws made by godless people—at some point there are good rules. The good rules get thrown into the mix of bad rules, then people ignore both the good and the bad. Because the good rules are ignored, problems arise. The only way to fix the problem is to enforce the good rules and/or replace bad rules with good rules, but there is the deeper problem.

It’s never fun to start following rules, even if they are good, whether they are new or old. Enforcing rules can’t be done in a nice enough manner that no one will object. At some point, laying down the law becomes a necessity and it’s never politically correct. When the time comes to lay down the law, people will fight back.

When so resisted, don’t fall for the “boycott” trap—that one’s non-customers can dictate that one not do the right thing. Letting your enemies tell you how to fight them will destroy you. Listen to the people in your base—your customers, your supporting voters, your family, your team. Follow that rule and lay down the law of who you listen to and who you do not listen to.

This will inevitably anger your enemy; expect it, don’t take time to discuss or ponder it when it happens.

When a car starts, it makes noise. When snow falls it is colder outside. In the morning, the sun comes up. And, when you lay down the law, criminals complain. None of this is newsworthy.

There are two types of criminals who complain when good laws are enforced: the malicious criminals, but also the self-appointed “tone police”. People who claim to support your ideas, but not your method—and thus want you to cease enforcement—secretly support the criminals and they might not even admit so to themselves. Every devil was once an angels who simply wouldn’t lay down the good law.

266 – Never Vent

Venting cures anger like alcohol cures alcoholism—it doesn’t. Never vent frustration, whether in marriage, romance, partnership, teamwork, parenting, teaching, coaching, managing. Don’t do it on Earth or in outer space or any planet, moon, asteroid, space station, or spacecraft in the plasmaverse.

Human wrath does not bring about godly justice. It can’t. Don’t take the bait when that little voice tells you otherwise. Think about love on your insides and keep trying—the rest of your life ’till the day you die—to put that anger in the right place. Master learning this more everyday because anger always sneaks up on us. You’ll get a lot more done in life if you master your ability to out-smart anger’s ability to sneak up on everyone.

The respect you gain from mastering your own emotions might even cut back on other people giving you things to be angry about. That’s when you’ll tend to get lazy. So, never take your eye off of anger, not even for one lunch break.

That’s not to say we should suppress, ignore, or deny the existence of emotions. Anger can’t be contained by focusing on anger. Anger must be displaced with love. Bottling up our anger merely dumps it back onto ourselves. Let it go. Give it to God. Send it to Heaven’s court. Let Heaven and its angels hear from you, especially about everything. Change the dialog in your mind. Confront your problems, but only after sobering up from your rage.

Venting is not the solution to anger. In fact, venting can be an interrogation tactic. Someone makes an accusation, you feel frustrated by the need to “defend yourself”, so their accusation provokes you to spill your beans.

Value the old virtue of keeping your mouth shut. “Honesty” neither means vomiting rage nor telling all people every random thought nor worry nor petty sin you ever committed. Reining-in your tendency to blab will grant you control over your conduct with people as well as your emotions.

Focus your thoughts on love, how you are loved, and how much you love. You can start with God and the people right around you, especially the people who make you most angry.

Proverbs 10:19; 12:23; 13:3; 14:3; 17:28, James 3:2-3