Category: life

Take ownership of your choices. The best way to do this is to keep your reasons, proofs, explanations, and defensive evidence to yourself. The supreme proof that your choice is right comes in the resulting aftermath.

Those who keep their silence until the ending evidence has the last word—through slander, provocative accusation, gossip, doubt, even coup and impeachment—will be left standing after the dust clears. There’s a time to talk, especially to delineate decisions and implement action, but that is different from babbling on about the justification and rationale for what you do. Of course, a little philosophy about why you do what you do won’t hurt, as long as you’re not using philosophy to build a case in your defense or trying to prove that an idiot is an idiot.

Just talk as you need in order to finish the task at hand. Don’t fall for the trap of someone asking you why you did what you did as a way of convincing you to do something differently. If you are a fool and headed in the wrong direction, listen to the voice of wisdom, but don’t change merely because someone debated your reasons. If you should change, proof that another way will succeed requires no discussion about your reasons for the failed method. That works in reverse as you deal with other people.

Keep your eyes on your own path, never why another path is wrong—and never let others tell you why your path is wrong, but only why another path might be better. Once you’ve heard them out, make your decision and press on. Don’t explain yourself; friends don’t care and enemies won’t accept your reasons anyway.

When you reject “indefinite discussion until others agree with you”, those others will call you “unfriendly”, when the underlying issue is that you disagree. Stay on task. Actions speak louder than words, let them.

Get a reputation so people already know your answer when they ask why you do what you do, “Because I want the results that follow.” Eventually they will stop asking, then you can focus on your task. If you deliberate, it’s because you value discussion more than results.

You have permission to end a discussion and move on. This doesn’t require walking away from a conversation, but at least change the subject, take action, or refuse to stay on the topic further.

Watch for people who want to keep pushing their point until they convince you—as if you need to keep listening to their arguments and defensive reasons until you agree with them. It’s a childish tactic to as, “Why?” as a way of changing the answer.

Explaining yourself can help other people to learn; to that end, be liberal in sharing the reasons behind your actions. Don’t be contentious or condescending. When someone asks you, “Why?” give your answer kindly, quickly, and matter-of-factly, all while you move on in your action. If you depend on compliance from the person asking, move on in other ways, making sure the person gets the message that you’re not waiting for them to agree with you.

In matters of opinion, where no immediate action is needed, move to declare the discussion at an impasse. All to often, the reason someone doesn’t agree with you is not because they haven’t listened to you enough, but because they don’t want to agree. Such contenders will likely think that you don’t agree with them because you haven’t listened to them enough. Don’t filibuster each other’s day. Either they are wrong or you are wrong, in either case drop it.

Never argue with a question’s answer. When you ask a question, accept the answer; don’t start telling the other person why the answer was wrong. You don’t know what someone else’s answer is better than that person. Just the same, no one else knows your answer to a question better than you know your answer to a question. When people ask you a question and try to argue with your answer, grab a stick and draw a line in the sand, right while they’re still talking: Simply repeat their question in reverse person.

“‘Why do I do that?’ Did I satisfy your curiosity?”

Perhaps you didn’t. If not, satisfy their curiosity, then you will be able to peacefully end discussion by happily changing the topic or smiling and leaving.

It’s overbearing for a teacher to use friendly-jousting humor against students. It’s out of place for a boss to make jokes about employees. It is equally out of place for any leader to mislabel painfully honest feedback from subordinates as “disrespect”. It’s out of place for a parent to tease children about romance.

While in the seat of the subordinate, some level of respect is in order, but there is much more freedom to be honest from the seat of the subordinate. Children should be allowed to act like they are. Employees and students should have freedom to be themselves.

Brutal honesty from a superior is threatening, but a subordinate can do little harm. When in the place of power, reprove people gently and allow them to express themselves in return. If you are the subordinate and hope to lead, practice being both candid and respectful; practice for the role by conducting yourself as if you are already there.

Don’t pretend to know something you don’t. If a matter is out of your expertise, say, “I don’t know about that. You’ll have to ask someone else.” This is difficult for everyone because we each begin with little expertise and, thus, need to say, “I don’t know,” in regard to most topics. Know that you don’t know what you don’t know and your seat will rise.

Jesus came into the world in a barn. He position himself to sit in every seat available. Being a baby was the only way for it to be appropriate for God to throw up on mortals. If he had spoken one word of rebuke on the road to Calvary it would have been overbearing. Leaders can take flack, but should never give as much flack as they are capable of. Patience is the seat of power; to gain power, first gain patience.

In the position of weakness, it might be wise to hold your tongue and live to see another day. When things got bad among the Philistines, David drooled on his beard in order to lower his seat so as to be less able to offend and thereby escape harm. Whatever seat you are in, know where you sit.

Know when to refer. Know when you have a mere opinion with no related experience. Know the same about others and never enter meaningful disagreement unless everyone in the conversation understands what they’re discussing. If you know your expertise and refrain from opinion beyond your expertise, your expertise will increase. If you maintain opinions in your realm of ignorance, your ignorance will increase.

Know what you’re good at and know that you know what you’re good at and act like you know what you’re good at. It’s good to be confident about what your proven expertise. Arrogant pride is not properly placed confidence in expertise, but confidence misplaced in incompetence; the pridefully arrogant don’t know the difference.

Many people like to argue about politics because they understand just enough to argue, but they don’t understand as much as people who work with politics everyday.

For years, I have collected news stacks, written about news from the week before, and thereby explained what was likely to happen in the future. I have rarely been wrong, if ever. This is my expertise and I’m confident in it.

I don’t use politics to inject my “mission to save the world”. For me, political opinion is a skilled craft. Because it is my work, whatever I write about politics is more likely to be 1. accurate and 2. effective. I am calm in my opinions because my track record proves that I am competent. I don’t write about medicine. I know my expertise, as should everyone be confident in their areas of expertise. My confidence empowers me to be respectful and well-mannered.

Everyone has thoughts of grandeur to save mankind, projecting their opinions from any soapbox they can. But, if you don’t normally work with an expertise then don’t pretend. Make a humble blog post if you must, but know where your expertise lies and focus your opinions there. And, feel free to learn new expertise.

Limit your opinions to your regular skill set, to the place you work, to the seat you sit in right now. We don’t need more grandstanding; we need more people applying their moral and ethical—and very good—ideologies into their normal work.

Everyone has limits and powers. Going up against someone who’s obviously stronger is just plain bratty. When someone does that, say so.

Work within your strengths. Know the line not to cross. Follow God’s leading because He knows your limits and strengths better than you do. Credit and blame Him for everything. Your authority and influence never came from you anyway, but all of it came from Him. So, talk and act like it.

When you confront someone, say that you’re not the one making the ultimate decisions, but that God is and we all must obey Him; there are no “favorites” where the need to obey God is concerned. By acknowledging that we are all subject to God, you can focus your efforts on the areas of strength God gave you.

By saying that you don’t make a decision, you remove the ability for others to contend with you. Just the same, when someone else has no power, bargaining chip, vested interest, say, or even influence in a matter—but that person seems to have forgotten and tries to contend with you—give a friendly reminder.

It is wise and morally good to know one’s own powers. Walking into a wolves’ den with neither protection nor plan, then being eaten alive, is foolish and does moral injustice to the people you could have helped by staying alive. In this, getting into a fight that you truly can’t win borderlines on being immoral if not at least setting a bad example by squandering time.

Now, a fight you can’t win is very different from a fight that you can win while someone taunts you with a lie claiming you can’t. In that case, it’s the taunting liar who is the fool for not knowing his own limits.

In light of God’s sovereignty, “might indicates who is right” because God upholds laws that give strength to people who work diligently and wisely. Strength and administrative “authority” are no indication of moral standing with God, but they are an indication of which battles God wants us to fight. Fight the battles you are prepared for; keep preparing so you can win more battles to give more justice.

If a requirement can’t be met, there is no need to discuss the matter further. If the facts are wrong or unknown, nothing can be done until the truth be known. If it’s not your responsibility, don’t think another moment of it.

Focus on the difference you can make, for better or worse. Always prepare for the unexpected, give forethought to future situations, but don’t fantasize about things beyond your stewardship. Be considerate of others and be concerned about your own responsibility, not vice versa.

The world has no shortage of nosy people minding other people’s businesses. Nor is there any lack of dreamy managers designing artwork to paint the outside walls of a building while its foundations crumble. Everything has a minimum and everyone has his own business; keep your laser focus there.

Multiple projects and forked approaches aren’t bad. Single-product, single-service business models may work for some people while other people’s “single” mission is to have many smaller, related missions. Don’t confuse diversity with distraction. You can pursue many venues as long as you know the minimum needed to keep the ship afloat and don’t neglect it.

At the negotiating table, too much energy is wasted on posturing, “I don’t need you, but I want you,” chatter. East Asians love to gang up on the Western business prospect in their meetings. Don’t get lost. Steer your way through any kind of sales pitch, business proposal, suggestion to change your methods and mission—keep your direction my knowing you minimum and asking for neither more nor less.

If you can change your mind after an hour of niggling, you owe a consulting fee for help with “visioning”. Think through in advance. The, treat the meeting as a fact-finding mission; listen, understand, ask questions, learn.

It’s hard to stay focused on delivering a package you don’t recognize. But, when you know your minimum mission, you’ll have the guiding light to travel lightweight. What you need and don’t need along your journey won’t require a committee. Decisions can be made at the drop of a hat because, frankly, you’ve already made those decisions. You know your minimums, everything else is a matter of walking it out.

Children must earn whatever they have. It begins in the earliest stages of waking childhood, but reaches through to the end of life. If we have without earning, we become brats incapable of survival.

The overall problem among bad, fake, theatrical leaders is that they only manage momentum as it decays, long after the engine has shut off. Drilling, tapping, digging, tilling, sowing, building, beginning, initiating, sparking—to the fraudulent leader, these are “someone else’s role, because everyone has a different role”, when actually, fraudulent leaders don’t understand those things because they were never taught them in childhood.

Learning to fuel the engine and drive momentum is not any kind of inborn talent; it is a learned skill every bit as common as walking, eating, and the basics of human language. Using chopsticks and speaking with an accent have nothing at all to do with genetics. So it is with farming, kindling a campfire, and building roads. Commerce exists in every economy, just as economics and trade are universal.

People know how to initiate profitability only if they are taught through constant exposure and trial, just like walking and talking.

The parent who gives to children beyond what the children work has little difference from the parent who keels the child in the baby walker or leaves the training wheels on the bicycle and says, “See, you’re riding.”

Good looks, a naturally strong body, and a well-mannered temperament can also harm a person’s progress, making friends easy to make—and just as easy to lose. Natural talent and socially-favored genetics open doors automatically without having to learn to use a doorknob. It is the parents’ responsibility to curb the natural favors of life so that children learn that they still must work to earn what they have.

All the while, whatever we work for, we must learn to take advantage of our own, individual unfair advantages. Selling something, dressing presentably, getting a business balanced and profitable are all learned skill; art, taste, flair, style, manner—these are genetic and make each person unique. One artist in Hong Kong paints Chinese script with his mouth because lost his arms, but he has style and earns money.