Category: life

Humor is a vital virtue. It cures the soul and strengthens friendship. If you ever lack jokes, try the long-winded, ridiculous rant of what everyone knows is no more than nonsense. Friends love being irritated by friends because it feels like home.

Humor at the expense of self is the perfect way to disarm. Don’t cut or beat yourself, just let your tie get out of place and celebrate your own bad hair day. Here’s how: “Oh, I’m having a bad hair day. I guess it’s my turn.”

Smiles need teeth. Coffee and chocolate are like good play, they improve with a little bite. Don’t be afraid to add a little zest to the scene around you.

A classic ice-breaker is banter about food. Threaten to put the chef to work. Demand daily delivery. Or, accuse dinner of being “too bland” so you can steal another bite. Don’t compliment directly; pretend to complain in a way that implies the compliment. Give people an equation to balance by using math easily doesn’t add up.

One secret to comedy is the surprise ending. “Thanks for the applause, both of you.” An old favorite is taking three pieces of pie while party-goers gawk, then walking off with the pie. That touches on the “yes and” secret to good improvisation: Accept everything and compound it with whatever comes to mind. Never reject.

Try the insult by non-insult, doctors are an easy target. Find any excuse to mention “apples”, then act worried you’ve offended the doc. Nothing is as insulting as telling someone you don’t mean to insult. And, nothing is as disarming as an insult obviously unwarranted.

When you must point out a flaw, insult yourself more, then your point can’t be disputed and no one loses skin. Witty charm disarms because few things are as disarming as someone already disarmed. The more undignified, the less self-concerned, the more disarmed, the more disarming you are to others. Try brazen over-self-confidence, “I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry. I’m too much of a scoundrel.” Humor may be bad form by the book, but bad form is hardy and hardihood makes others feel good—not merely making others feel good “about you”.

Sooner or later, if you stand for the right thing, some enemy somewhere will give you retaliation flack. If you never get attacked then your missing something. Good people doing good things draw opposition from bad people who do bad things because good things disrupt bad things. Whatever you’re doing, having opposition from somewhere is the only way to know for sure that you’re on the right track.

When people attack you, it’s not because of your problems. Even if you have a problem, good and healthy people will help you, not attack you. People attack others because it helps them feel better in some twisted way.

Maybe you represent truth that proves others to be lacking, so they lash out. Perhaps they want a rag doll to torment as a distraction from their own problems. Or, perhaps they’re just flustered, having a bad day. But, attacks against you are never because of you.

When you’re dealing with an assailant, normal rules of “charisma” might not apply. There is a place for listening to people and arguing in other people’s favor as good manners in social responsibility. If you’re reasonable then reasonable people will listen to you because reasonable people like to listen to reasonable a person. But, this only applies to reasonable people talking to reasonable people.

If someone isn’t reasonable and they are attacking you, whether in broader hostilities of life or merely in conversation, hostile or passive-aggressive, they probably have diabolical issues and you are neither their first nor their last prey. “Being reasonable” and “having honorable manners” will not work with them. No matter what you do, no matter how kind you are, they will be angry with anyone who stands for the right thing when the right thing gets in their way, especially if they have a secret covenant with a secret sin.

When assailants reveal problems, perhaps exploiting their—or someone else’s—victimhood as passive-aggressive blackmail, that’s your safe rout. Answer, “It sounds like a big problem. I wish I could help, but I should stay back while they figure things out.” That’s exactly right. Keep back. Don’t persuade and don’t mess with people who somehow attract diabolical problems.

You must decide who you are, what you want, what you do, what you won’t ever do—you need to know clearly, backwards and forwards, your worldview’s DNA.

When one knocks over a glass of water, sand doesn’t pour out. Whatever is inside of our hearts will spill out when we get shaken. Hardships helps us see what our de facto values are—our values at their core, the ones we may not even admit to even in our own minds.

We must clearly resolve whose team we’re on, which game we’re playing, what our target is, and where our boundaries are. Know them, think them through, imagine worst case scenarios. Imagine someone blackmailing every member of your family and each of your friends in the worst way. Dwell on it. Imagine the cost of what you believe. If it’s not worth believing, then change those beliefs now—only believe in something if you have truly thought through the greatest cost for believing it.

If you can’t think of something worth paying your most feared price to keep believing in, then your life will come to a shameful end and you will eventually be unwittingly recruited to the ranks of people who do what they hate, to help wicked people destroy the lives of millions through corruption.

If you don’t stand for something—anything—then you will fall for anything. If you believe that there exists a belief that could never cause anyone pain, that belief would likely cause the most pain. The best chance you have of victory and protecting those you love is if your mind is already made up, so your mind won’t change when the hard times come—because you are a person who seriously, truly, thoroughly, fully, completely, painfully evaluates your ideas all the way to their end. No one is safer to be with—no one is more sober—no one has such a clear mind to focus on actually keeping people safe—no one has the faculties to navigate through challenges and dodge retaliation fire.

When you stand, you will offend one and befriend another. Will you choose your friends or wait for your enemies to choose you?

No one who has truly learned to respect authority will argue. They won’t argue with their leaders. They won’t argue with their subordinates. They won’t argue.

The basics of command structure start with knowing what battles to choose, including inside baseball. When someone has a decision to make, and that person makes the decision, then the decision is made. If there are facts or other information the person doesn’t know, then those above and below in the command structure will inform that decision-maker. Interruptions are welcome if they advise, whether from above or below. But, once the information and facts are known, the decision-maker must make the decision. Then, it is final. Even if it wrong, discussion it won’t help.

Continuing discussion without any affect on decision is called a filibuster; it is a tactic of legislative bodies with warring parties. In a filibuster, people keep talking because they don’t like the decision, so they hope to delay the decision—forever if possible. But, in a command structure, that can’t work. In a family, a company, organization, or military—a filibuster is immature. Many argue that a filibuster is also immature in a legislature, but then legislators are often accused of being immature as well as dishonest. But, I digress.

Stay on topic. When the decision is made, it’s finished. That is true whether it is your decision or someone else’s. Don’t be rude about it. In fact, one sign of maturity is to be kind when you tell someone that a decision is already made—whether it is your decision or not.

Mature leaders do not argue with those under them. Someone who respects authority knows to respect oneself when one has the place of authority. Never trust a leader who argues, resents, or is irritated by subordinates. That leader doesn’t understand respect for authority, yet such leaders are likely to talk about “respect” often. More importantly, make sure that you never become that leader.

Learn to identify and then to accept when the decision is already made. Move on to other topics. Finish the job. Fix problems with the decisions that are within your power. Respect-worthy people don’t argue once decisions are passed.

Happiness can’t possibly be about “self”. Humans were made for things that involves others—someway, somehow, somewhere, sometime, we only operate at our best when we’re doing something that involves others.

Happiness flows from the Two Great Commands. Even placing God first—not “instead of”, but “first”—efficiently and quite effectively knocks us down to the right level where life isn’t about ourselves, but about others.

Human happiness can’t be passive. It requires creating good things through cooperative effort. “Consumerism” can’t replace happiness. Like a narcotic, the sneakiest form is “happiness consumption”, favoring and rating things on their ability to “make me happy”. Happiness is only happy as much as it is proactive.

That doesn’t mean meddling and nannying to a point of insufferability. Silence is golden because it includes being considerate of others. But, if “love and happiness” mean ignoring needs of others—whether need be for silence or intervention or encouragement or course correction—then “love and happiness” aren’t.

When tragedy strikes, victims need help; go help them. Send money. Stay out of the way. Report the overlooked truth. Stand witness. Find any way to help. Don’t just sit by yourself, looking for a sliver lining to someone else’s tragedy.

Life has many yeahs and many boos and many glasses of water which can be measured by their contents or lack thereof, but your choice to be happy doesn’t end with gratitude and thankfulness; it only begins there. Never lecture others on their need to find their silver linings on their rain clouds, especially if you are a rain cloud. When you must bring rain and lightning, make sure you shine a doorway of sunlight and a make huge rainbow afterward. When you can truly appreciate the silver linings of life’s rain clouds, you have all the reason you need to be sunshine on someone else’s storm, not just a sunshine admirer.

By all means, enjoy stories, art, and beauty that make you happy. Celebrate and share them with friends. But, don’t stop there. Don’t lose your appetite for helping happiness take over the universe. Of all the moments that make us happy, the happiest moments put a smile on someone else’s face.