Tag: needverse

253 – Because I Want To

Take ownership of your choices. The best way to do this is to keep your reasons, proofs, explanations, and defensive evidence to yourself.

The supreme proof that a choice is right comes in the resulting aftermath. Those who keep their silence until the ending evidence has the last word—through slander, provocative accusation, gossip, doubt, even coup and impeachment—will be left standing after the smoke clears.

There’s a time to talk, especially to delineate decisions and implement action, but those are different from babbling on about the justification and rationale for what you do. Of course, a little philosophy about why you do what you do won’t hurt, as long as you’re not using philosophy to build a case in your defense or trying to prove that a genius is a genius. Just talk as you need in order to finish the task at hand. Don’t fall for the trap of someone asking you why you did what you did as a way of convincing you to do something differently.

If you are a fool and headed in the wrong direction, listen to the voice of wisdom, but don’t change merely because someone debated your reasons. If you should change, proof that another way will succeed requires no discussion about your reasons for the failed method. That works in reverse as you deal with other people. Keep your eyes on your own path, never why another path is wrong—and never let others tell you why your path is wrong, but only why another path might be better. Once you’ve heard them out, make your decision and press on.

Don’t explain yourself; friends don’t care and enemies won’t accept your reasons anyway. When you reject “indefinite discussion until others agree with you”, those others will call you “unfriendly”, when the underlying issue is that you disagree. Stay on task.

Actions speak louder than words, let them. Cultivate this reputation so people already know your answer when they ask why you do what you do, “Because I want the results that follow.” Eventually they will stop asking, then you can focus on your task. If you deliberate, it’s because you value discussion more than results.

252 – Leading as Masters

The master has his own way and no one understands him. He is a master, after all. Teachers are for understanding, but masters are for improving. The way of the master remains a mystery that dazzles all who behold. Thinking that you understand proves that you need a master to remind you by sheer demonstration of his own skill that you know absolutely nothing.

The master might have you haul buckets of water or punch a bag while he goes about his own training. You may think that he doesn’t notice, but he gauges your form out of the corner of his eye with accuracy you can’t fathom and subtlety you’d never suspect.

Only with time, diligence, frequency, and old age can you reach the stage of the master. In some ways, you have the status of a master. Usually, the best way to handle those difficult situations is to see where you are already a master.

Once a man asked how much money I made. I told him it is bad form and bad luck to disclose income. When he suggested some numbers I smiled, chuckled, and told him specifically how cute he was. I may not be the master by the social numbers, but I was certainly the master in the moment in the art of saying, “No.”

When people push you, just “master” right back at them. A little comedic superiority could lighten a heavy mood, only a sissy would be so offended, as many shed tears in the shadow of the master.

Above all, the master knows only to teach what he has mastered. Being a young master is most difficult because one has mastered so little in one’s youth. Knowing what you can’t teach is a hard pill to swallow when you know that you can’t teach most anything because you’re not a master yet. So, first master yourself: Look down your nose, straighten your back, and say with lazy confidence, “I should never even try to teach such a thing since I’ve not mastered it yet.”

Never serve dual masters and never sign up for dual loyalties. Choose your skill, study its master, and only teach what you’ve done.

251 – How to Handle Contentious Contenders

When dealing with someone who only wants a fight, the most important thing for you to do is survive and finish the conversation with as little fallout as possible. Always keep in mind: Whatever you speak to in a person is what you get more of.

If you speak to someone’s brokenness and wrath, you’ll get more. If you speak to someone’s hope and capability, you’ll get more of that also. Rebuking a character flaw will make the flaw grow. It doesn’t matter if you speak well of it or not, whatever you give attention to will grow.

Conflict is not the time to start parenting a child, even a childish adult, especially if you are the adult arguing with your child. When the other person doesn’t want to listen, just state your decision and end the conversation quickly; never state your reasons in a conflict.

People who want to fight want to do so because they are childish. Children must be “managed”. You can’t “manage” a child if you are one yourself. Conflicts with childish folk force us to grow up; it’s better to grow up before the conflict.

Recognize “stonewalling” and never do it. Shutting down a question, refusing to address a topic, rejecting any and all requests that you acknowledge a “point well made” from the other person—these are all stone walls. So is saying, “I just don’t want to argue. Can we just get along and stop now or at least talk about it later?” That comment is sure to make the conflict go nuclear. Always keep a door open to some level of conversation on every topic and point.

Sit like you want to listen, but stay relaxed with your weight shifted back so it doesn’t feel like you’re ready to pounce. That will tell everyone, including yourself, that relaxing is alright. Only shut down a topic for the remainder of the conversation if a person starts repeating what was already said or if a person crosses a line of “what’s acceptable”—and that line must be extremely hard to reach. One uncrossable line is demanding that others accept an opinion. Keep almost all else wide open for discussion.

250 – Bring Sunshine

Rain is not contagious. When you enter a dark and stormy social environment, don’t let the rain clouds convince you to become a rain cloud yourself. Bring some sunshine to spare.

Joy is a choice, but not everyone has learned to make that choice. Learn the choice of joy yourself so you can bring it to people who haven’t yet learned. You might even end up teaching a few people by example.

In some sense it’s better to light a lamp and keep watch, rather than hide in a corner and curse the darkness. But, the greater value is in being the source of light yourself. Don’t depend on an external light source—be that light source yourself and just stand up.

Ponder the proverb, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” It’s truly about bringing sunshine to someone who is so angry that he wants to hurt you.

No one wakes up in the morning and randomly decides to go injure people; injured people injure people, and they do this because they are sad, angry, upset—some rain cloud looms over their lives. They feel that there is some enemy out there causing them trouble, denying them sunlight, so they will punch at anything in their way hoping to punch a hole in the rainstorm overhead. To shine the light of kindness is to give what is most needed, especially in times of anger.

The sun isn’t only about feeling good, it provides vital nutrients. Any of us can become angry and bitter when we are malnourished, you have those moments yourself. Smacking people for smacking people doesn’t remove the hunger to smack people, it only grows the hunger. Anger is toxic, but it stems from malnutrition. Once you can see lack of sunshine as a deficiency of light rather than an excess of darkness you will be able to help friends through their own times of trouble, even friends you never knew you could have.

We celebrate people who cheer us up, you know who those people are. You can be that person. It only takes the choice to be happy. When it’s raining on someone’s parade, offer aid by bringing your own sunshine.

248 – Leading as Subordinates

We rarely have the luxury of working under competent supervision. Most of the time, management is chosen from a very small group of qualified people, their main qualities being crisis management, being able to do the job of three people when necessary, and doing whatever is necessary .. even unethically .. to keep daily drama from escalating to higher levels of oversight.

You may be more suited to lead, but you must learn some things that only come with time before the greater group can benefit from your better judgment. By then, your better judgment should become even better yet. If your better judgment doesn’t improve with time, then you really wouldn’t be a better leader, you only think you would be.

Even under competent leaders, you can lead those around and above you in some capacity. Be patient and respectful always. Don’t heckle at stupidity, no matter how well-deserved. No, it won’t help educate.

Help and lighten the mood, mainly by keeping your own stuff in order. If you need extra time with your work, move out of other people’s way and kindly apologize for your mess.

I once had a table of guests who were angry about having to wait. I broke protocol, slipped in a few lines about thanking them for waiting for the other people who were also waiting. The head of the table was mildly offended, sassed at me, I sassed back that he was right, and thus we all got along great the rest of the night.

Tense situations might need a little stretch and ice breaking, but your job is to make sure that “it’s okay” when it happens. You’ll need charm and patience like this when you don’t have the authoritative powers to right the situation. Do what is within your power and practice your diplomatic wit so that you have it well mastered for when God puts you into your own leadership position.

Be an example that your superiors wish they could follow. Make crud roll downhill onto you, not uphill. Humbly suggest on occasion, but avoid being first in the line of fools to open your mouth. Do excellent work within your power that inspires all around.

247 – We Belong to a King

We are saved and redeemed by a King, not a sissy, not an overlord—a King! This has many ramifications, among them self-respect. The more you understand that you have been redeemed by a King, the more respectable your life and your choices will be.

God’s forgiveness is vaster than the widest ocean. But, that doesn’t mean we will be happy if we create regrets and make more messes in our lives that need cleaning up, just to “experience His forgiveness” all over again. In those moments where we lapse and create regrets for ourselves, we don’t have a “theological” problem; we have a maturity problem.

Making a mess while claiming “God forgives all” is a cry for help, not an abstract theory about which big words we ought to argue about, just to fit God into a box small enough for us to fully understand in an afternoon read. Our theology affects our view of ourselves and good theology begins with this: God is a King, our King.

The truth that God is a King marks yet one more beautiful thing about Him. It explains much of His relationship with us. Any king prospers only as much as his people prosper. Every king has close ties with all people of his kingdom.

God forgives us of every foolish thing we do, not because He doesn’t mind His kingdom being made a mess, but because He wants all of us to prosper.

You were redeemed by a King. Act like it. Walk in wisdom rather than as the angry child destroying his own life just to get attention. Don’t be the old fool who seeks to beat the angry child. Instead, return to your King every day. Search for orphans and bring them back to their King. Teach others to live with kingly respect. When someone acts unkingly, remind them of who they are. Remind yourself of who you are.

The one thing that makes Jesus unique among other kings is adoption—we are all sons and daughters of the King. We all have the rights of heirs. Stand up and live with dignity. Grow God’s Kingdom—your Kingdom—both in number and in splendor.

246 – Anger Poisons the Angry

Anger is a deadly toxin. Physicians claim the same on a medical level. Psychologists deal with it on a social level. The Bible makes its own contribution. Anger is every bit contagious as it is toxic. Don’t join the epidemic.

The topic of anger is double-edged: whether to deal with anger in oneself or to deal with anger from others. Either way, know that anger is self-destructive; don’t self-destruct and don’t fret about people who do.

Anger is not about forgiveness; the two are unrelated. “Forgiveness” is actually a choice to not seek repayment on a debt, whether through money, sweat, or blood. Anger, however, is about the choice of where to focus one’s thought life.

Things happen in life that are bound to make us angry. For whatever reason, we let these things surprise us. We get indignant and act surprised as if whatever happened to us makes us the only thirsty starfish in the ocean.

Never forget that the next hitch in your plans has already been prepared. When the time is right, you’ll be provoked to anger. Be ready and know what you will do before that time comes. Don’t let anger catch you off guard.

We can limp through life for years, clinging to whatever thing happened to us so long ago; many people make it decades, half a century or even more. That anger infects the mind, promoting the lie that carrying the past will make your journey better in some way. We don’t need to bring our past with us in order to learn from it. Take your lesson in a doggy bag and get out of town, leave anger behind and make tracks as fast as you can.

What happened once might never happen the same way again. Chewing on what happened in the past—mulling over it—replaying it again and again—arguing with people in your mind—that only makes things worse, solving nothing.

We don’t know every reason why things happened they did. When we make ourselves the “firemen” to save ourselves from a house fire, we climb the firetruck ladder right back into the flames. Just save yourself and get out of the house.