Category: dignity

Every claim, every accusation, every critique—listen to the unedited recording, the full interview, read the whole book. Talk to the accused in person. Examine at the facts with your own eyes and hands. Perform an experiment yourself. Never agree with an accusation without seeing the proof yourself.

If you are the one accused, don’t panic, but answer the charge publicly. Tell the truth for all to see without even naming your accusers or even the accusation. Present the proof as openly and availably as possible.

Even if an accusation is true, we must evaluate the evidence to verify that the description of the problem is what it needs to be. Maybe the charge is not severe enough, maybe the defendant will lie—in which case questioning him tells us the most important information! You will never know without examining the evidence for yourself.

Basic Bible study, journalism, evaluation—anything about life—demands that we examine evidence for ourselves. There is nothing more credible about an opinion than having asked to see the original evidence for oneself, without taking any pre-position whatsoever. There is nothing more discrediting than believing a report without first seeing some kind of proof—at least to understand more. This is easy to agree with in theory, but in the heat of life’s battles, it is easier to forget. Not prejudging in those times when we feel it is right is one mark of a worthy leader.

Ronald Reagan referred to this with the words, “Trust, but verify.” My own words are, “Trust, thus verify.” Trustworthy people seek to have themselves verified. Never trust someone who acts offended at the idea of asking for evidence—whether to produce evidence or to review it.

At the very least, we lose our ability to think critically about the matter when we reach our conclusions based on someone else’s word. Don’t depend on others to think for you. That makes you a slave to ignorance. Verifying facts, evaluating them for yourselves, and developing a unique opinion even when you agree with other people’s conclusions is a central part of critical thinking. Verifying claimed facts is part of human dignity as the Image of God.

When people tell you something can’t be done, they mean that they tried, failed, and want everyone else to fail.

When people tell you that you won’t succeed at doing something, they mean that they don’t want you to succeed.

When people misrepresent what you believe then disagree with their misrepresentation, that means they disagree with you.

When people protest change, listen. People need their own size; never coerce anyone into changing or learning.

When people stonewall, they want a small, puny, little relationship with you; start there and they might want more.

When people didn’t see what you saw, ask you to clarify what you saw multiple times, then doubt the facts you claim, that means they are drowning in their own experience of the world so much that they can’t breathe in anything to the contrary.

When people misunderstand you and run away from you as a result, that means they have so many other worries that they do not have the capacity to understand the truth about you even if you showed them.

When people talk for a long time, that means that they have a lot to say; listen, whether to validate, help, learn, or perhaps save yourself with some important message you never would have thought was important.

When people don’t forgive it’s because they need forgiveness more than you do, but don’t want to repent. They want to stay stuck in their rut; let them, and use good manners when you do. Don’t bother apologizing because that will make it more difficult for them to hold their grudge against you for whatever good thing you did without asking their permission for them to refuse.

When people evade you over a disagreement, it’s because they know they can’t hold a candle to your reasoning on the matter. Either they are wrong and know it or they think they are right, but are too cowardly to stand for their beliefs. Either way, evasion in disagreement is cowardly; expect subterfuge to follow and take immediate steps to softly make your position more flexible and robust while also more approachable, yet conscientious. If you act strongly and charitably, even the evasion might diminish.

One secret about life is that people rarely judge others for doing what is wrong, but mainly for not using a smooth tone of voice. This is unjust and unfair and puts bad leaders in power.

People who choose smooth talkers enslave themselves. They did the same with smooth-talking, compassionate, “understanding”, sympathetic Hitler—watch his speeches. Wicked men infiltrate organizations by being calm at all times.

Never judge others based on tone, but try to hone your own at least to some degree. If you can avoid raising your voice when not necessary, you will be attacked by predators less often and wicked men will like you, meaning that they won’t take up as much of your time arguing.

Some spunk, fire in the belly, and real communication is a good thing. But, don’t think that pretending to be “cross” or “angry” equates to dignity. It doesn’t. Being angry or carrying a face ready to scold is an unclassy and uneducated way of pretending to be “serious” or “important” or “in charge”. It is as a child’s view of the adult world; it looks that way, but that’s not how things actually are. The attitude “I’m being angry and that means I’m serious and that means I’m doing a good, responsible job of leading” is one of the most detrimental things an adult can do to a growing child.

Just be calm when you want to be taken seriously. The masses don’t lynch people for being calm and well-mannered, but for becoming unlaced, losing their cool, getting frazzled, having their feathers ruffled. Sometimes you can’t help it, Jesus doesn’t judge us for calmness, he won’t rescind stewardship for being calm at all times, but he doesn’t assign stewardship for it either.

If you can be cool and calm, that is a good thing. If you can’t, at least wish that you were. If someone else loses their cool, never demean or correct them; that is equally undignified. Help others to keep their cool as well. One sign of a well-mannered person is his ability to spread his calm demeanor to others. So, technically being calm isn’t enough, it must be rooted in strong, contagious love.

There is a time to ask for help and share your troubles with friends. But, those times should be carefully selected with forethought and discretion. By default, it is best to keep your problems to yourself.

Publicizing your weaknesses, your lacking, your hurt, your faults with the world neither makes you a role model nor makes the world a better place. Show your humanity and mortality, show your natural frailty and normal mistakes—those things prove that you don’t place yourself above others. But, specific flaws and injuries should never be advertised.

Some people will tell how much they have been hurt in order to gain notoriety, sympathy, or even to guilt others into agreeing with them. Don’t use your injuries to blackmail others; it unnecessarily divulges information, which can always be used against you, also it will likely backfire.

It is not deceptive to advertise and promote your positive achievements. People don’t rise up to do the right thing from stories of foolishness. We are motivated by stories of people who set out to do something good and finished. Encourage people by your own life that good things can also be achieved.

Failure is in abundance, but goals reached are a commodity. Say something about yourself newsworthy, not tabloid-worthy. Sharing the gossip content about your own life is sets everyone off course. Focus on the good. Dwell on your strengths in your private thought life. Don’t let your mind wander to things you wish you could have done, but didn’t. Instead, dwell on the good things you are glad you did and your determination to do more. It begins in your thought life.

People who walk into the room and start spouting their inferiority, failure, faults, flaws, and can’t say anything good about themselves have just revealed much about their private thought lives, perhaps even their view of themselves. Someone who thinks he can’t can’t. So, the lesson here is not so much about how to put on a fake, happy face, but what to build up in your hourly mind time. What you say and what you dwell on that makes you say it would serve you best if it is good news.

Train your snap reactions—not swearing, kindly rebuking, strategic reaction, driving, family decisions, et cetera. Too much occurs in life to anticipate every circumstance or calculate how to respond. In essence, this means living by principles. More specifically, it means ingraining your principles into your habits so that acting on your principles becomes second nature.

Consider news, politics, and business. By automatically presuming, “If everyone is doing it, I won’t,” you will keep your business unique—and thus “necessary”—, you won’t be shocked by what happens in the news, and you will know the political climate enough to adapt in advance. Just the same, the principle from Jesus, “Build your house on the rock,” will tell you which governments, economies, and companies will collapse and which will last. Then, when the billionaires and newspapers try to tell you where they hope you should invest in, you’ll be smart enough to know, “They lie to their people. It won’t last.” Then, when stock sinks like ENRON and GM, and everyone is in panic, you’ll say, “They didn’t pay taxes, so they weren’t profiting, I don’t care what the accountants say about GAAP.”

But, these must be habits.

As you approach 40 years old, many practices in your life will become habits. Then, you’ll mostly live on autopilot, all the while thinking, “I’m tired.” So, wisely choose your habits before that time arrives, lest your habits choose themselves.

It is vital to train these habits early on and include among them innovation and “flexibility” as key habits. You do not want your habits to be dependent on geopolitical paradigms nor technology, which always change. The best way to remain flexible with the times, as a habit, is to learn outdated technology and artisan craftsmanship. Learning to type, for example, write cursive or calligraphy, playing older video games, occasionally dressing old school, using transportation means from 100 years ago, studying steam engines and traditional sand casting—these will help you see technology in a transcendent way. If you do that, then technology will be for you a river, not a pillar, meaning you will flow in technological changes, even in your old age, merely as a habit.