Category: 365

If you tell people you have a problem, they will try to help you with it.

Don’t talk about your problems unless you want help, specifically stating what help you need, even if the only help you need is patience. When people tell you that they have problems, don’t fall into the trap of trying to troubleshoot without first asking what kind of specific help, if any, you can give them.

Always ask if people need help when they broadcast their problems; this will address many a dilemma—the manipulator trying to blackmail through guilt, the complaining gossiper addicted to bad news, and the person who really does need help. If you ask, but the person keeps talking about the problem, make your best guess and give the person a referral, either a professional’s phone number or a book title or something else of the sort that fits your guess. Don’t let anyone complain indefinitely; complaints and problems must be resolved—and it remains everyone’s responsibility to help each other with mutual dignity, swiftness, and giving whatever space and encouragement we each need to get through the normal challenges in life.

By taking everything literally and always being respectful, you won’t need to read people’s minds to know how to respond.

In general, don’t talk about your problems and don’t talk long with people who often do. Keep your problems to yourself, explain the short version so people know what they need to know without hearing your life story. If you don’t need help, don’t talk like you do.

When troubled, be diplomatic, say that you are having a crazy day—but that you are getting through alright; find a way to manage and act like everything is okay. In doing this, you will uncover hidden strength as someone others can depend on. God will often send you secret help that only you know about and other people will never know your car had catastrophic, spontaneous engine failure, only that you were five minutes late in your crazy day, but you kept smiling and politely apologized for your tardiness.

One day you may truly need help. So, keep a reputation for not broadcasting your problems.

Identify any problems in your heart that you feel a “ping” or unction to talk about. Search them out, then dig them out. As you weed the gardens of your life, learn to accept other people living in their own self-made sorrow while you focus on your task.

Sometimes you need counseling, other times simple reflection, perhaps books on “emotional healing”, certainly Bible study with prayer, but, often times, just ignoring your “inner issues” and focusing on work is the best way to make them go away—but each of these must have its day.

Whatever you say to others, make sure it is a grace to those who hear, that it is appropriate and right for the current situation. Don’t jump on your soapbox all because you feel some unction to deal with an issue you sense lurking in the shadows of your own soul. Just keep doing a good job in everything, “remain present” to your circumstances, and God will bring any lingering issues to the surface in His time. If you try to bring other people’s issues to the surface, then you are probably just trying to wrestle with your own unresolved issues; doing so while while with other people is a failure to “remain present” with your current situation.

Deal with your inner issues when you’re alone or in good counsel. When you do, don’t fear tears. God wasn’t errant when He created us with tear glands. Jesus gave us tears because we need them from time to time. Denying tears their necessary flow is not “grown up” or “manly”, it only stunts emotional growth, leading to “old babies in adult bodies”. Usually, trying to conceal tears “in order to be mature” is the same problem as wanting to talk from a soapbox at inappropriate times.

Stewing about “what someone did to you” is, frankly, petty. See yourself as bigger than your assailants and contenders. When talking to anyone flustered, rude toward everyone, but not blaming you specifically, it’s not an attack; just love them and give them sunshine. Growing bigger than pettiness can be your early answer to challenges, whether from your assailants or people just having a bad day.

When you envision your goals to set your mind for success, this does not grant you permission to be delusional. Goals must be achievable along the responsible road, taking the next small step closest to you, staying between the lines of low-investment and scalable growth.

Many totalitarian governments build large highways and enormous high-rises, entirely empty and unfinished. But, tomorrow’s infrastructure must be built tomorrow, today’s roads must be sized for the traffic of today. As you dream big, dream the phases responsible enough that Heaven will help you build.

Tell yourself that your success is “reachable” and “feasible” and “within your normal capabilities”. Set these ideas in your mind and heart, remind yourself daily, reexplain it to yourself again when you see someone else achieving what you seek.

Dreaming is different from telling yourself that you are already finished and can kick up your feet. The awareness that you can surely achieve a good thing should naturally drive you to work for it, if not then something is terribly wrong, either with your goals or with your mindset.

When the presence of other people interferes with your progress, do not presume that you need to put distance between you and them. Gauge the challenge according to your direction. Stay on task and don’t waste time if your relationship with them us purely recreational. If they say something you don’t like while they demonstrate the competence to help with your goals, then that something may very well be a thing you need to hear, regardless of whether you want to hear it. Perhaps they themselves are your project, to help them learn the ways of happiness and mental determination.

If you run away from difficult allies, you won’t be able to confront adversaries; difficult friends contribute to your own strength and if you run from every difficult friend then you won’t have any friends at all in your day of trouble. You are just as difficult to others as others seem difficult to you. Simply tell yourself that this is normal, no big deal, and that the difficulty that comes with having good friends is just another challenging trophy “within your normal capabilities” to earn.

A cheat-proof indication of adulthood maturity is the ability to be patient with anyone younger. Things about others that irritate us most are often most true of ourselves. God puts irritating people in our lives because mirrors are useful.

One of the biggest mistakes in life is thinking one is ready to become a parent. When you make that mistake, you’ll probably have children who will be sure to tell you specifically how mistaken you were. Parents are only irritated about their teenagers by things they haven’t outgrown themselves; the only difference is in the price of the toys they quibble over. But, parent or not, never judge the younger generation by your own standards.

Sometimes younger generations don’t know as much as older generations because they are still learning. A teen driving for the first time might take the long way home because it’s the only way he knows. That’s nothing to be angry about, even if it made him late. An adult who knows more should tell the teen to arrive at a time one hour earlier than actually needed—and make sure the teen never knows why. Have some fun news waiting, happily jest about not being ready yet, be smart enough to be flexible enough because the adult is supposed to be older and smarter.

Sometimes younger generations know more than older generations because of advances in technology and science. So, when young people do things in ways that seem wrong to older generations, it is the older generations’ responsibility to recognize the improvement and welcome it. Don’t become that old fart who can’t get out of the way of those who will continue all of his good progress after he bites the dust.

As a metaphor, generations compare to video displays. Each new generation is more efficient and has higher resolution. Younger generations want to be more efficient and light weight. They don’t need to become hippies in order to be irritated with taking the trash out all the time. Because youth build on what the wise began, they see finer details and are therefore concerned about things the old sage could never see. So, judge at the right resolution.