Whatever sin a man has not dealt with in his life, he passes this on to his children at a basic level almost reaching DNA. Permanently and unable to be treated by psychotherapy—possibly personality disorders—these sins will forever persist through the entire lives of his children. The Bible calls this “sins of the fathers” and says they are “visited onto the sons to the third and fourth generation”.
Mothers do not pass on their unresolved sin issues this way, which is part of the counterintuitive strategy of God. Does it make a woman more or less powerful that she cannot injure her children this way? Jesus was sinless for this reason; he had no father, only a mother. So, he had no sin nature in his body, constantly fighting his will and tempting him to sin, even without devils bothering him.
Because of Jesus’s work on the Cross, these “sins of the fathers” can be removed, but only by “forgiving one’s father”. There is a time when everyone must come to grips with this truth: Your father messed up big time. He neglected his responsibilities as a father and as a human in general. You MUST forgive him—that means that you never expect him to apologize and you never seek any repayment or restitution from him at all. Whatever your father did to make your life hard, get the payback and punishment payment from Jesus.
Jesus will pay whatever you lost far more than your father could anyway.
It is that we not “excuse” or “try to understand” their difficulty. As we age we come to understand our parents more and more, but we must never “excuse” their mistakes. Parents are leaders and must have their lives in order before they get involved in romance. There is no excuse for them; parents must instead be forgiven.
“Forgiving” means waving all rights to collect on a debt owed, the opposite of “excusing”. Never confuse them. You won’t need to when you depend on God for whatever perfection we need from a parent. He has it. Accept not only God’s repayment, but also His perfection as a Father who will never let you down.