Tag: needverse

There are two types of victimhood: 1. factual and 2. state-of-mind.

The first kind is when someone is literally overpowered by another person or institution. The second kind leads to “complete stories” about the bad things other people did, declaring, “I’m not going to be a victim anymore,” then looking for a gun, stick, bunker, faster car, supervisor to appeal to, or lawyer—all “devices” to stop or escape the abuser. Such “devices” are rarely an answer.

Preventative action is good and smart, home security systems and conceal carry permits even help police. But, don’t call a lawyer or get a gun because the people at work and home don’t listen; that’s the thinking of a mass shooter.

Never exploit your injury to blackmail or influence others. This is not justice, but it happens: Reporting abuse can reflect worse on oneself for getting injured in the first place, thereby appearing incompetent and losing employment, friends, even family. Report abusers, but don’t fall into this trap when you do!

One Asian friend was frequently taken advantage of by his friend and he wanted to change his English name to seem more tough. He did need a new name, but not to solve his “victim” problem.

I’ve had Asian employers deny me my legal papers more than once, even trying to take my passport. Rather than a battle in court, I chose to be educated and “sneaky” so my employers couldn’t take away my rights. I simply survived, nothing more, which slowly injured those employers more than any lawyer could have.

Sometimes we need to take legal or physical action, but there does also exist an often downplayed “inner-self power” that requires forgiveness in your heart, technical research on your own, and a lot of patience. That is what it fully means to “not let yourself become a victim”, where the slave is so shrewd and patient that he has more power than even the slave master.

We have seen this in history: Tank Man from China, MLK Jr., and Jesus Christ. Jesus was no victim, those who crucified him made themselves the victims because Christianity swelled into a tsunami movement and to this day holds the last word.

Everyone needs to lead, mainly lead ourselves.

You don’t need people telling you how to be you and you certainly don’t need people telling you how to be them. When people give you flack for doing things the way you do them in your life, the answer is to get them out of your life decisions and somehow help them to focus on leading their own lives.

No one knows how to be you better than you, God notwithstanding. While achieving the never-before-achieved, every achiever has friends who moonlight as naysayers saying, “You can’t do that,” and, “it’s not done that way.” Actually, they mean, “It’s not failed that way.” Achieving what’s never been done requires doing what’s never been done and doing those never-before-done things in a way that’s never been done that way.

People who’ve never done it haven’t figured that part out yet. So far, they have only “done”, not “done never-before-done”. They began with questions, learned to do things they way other people had already been doing things for a long time, sprinkled a couple pinches of “new ideas” atop the frosting, and decided how every master chef should invent a new cake recipe. The world does, indeed, have many people who need to learn what’s already been learned—including you to some extent.

But, doing what’s already been done didn’t bring us where we are. At some point, we need those one-in-a-million weird-o types, the trailblazers, the pioneers, the people who boldly go… anywhere they feel like. Trailblazers always take flack from friends who think that leveling new paths indicates a mental illness—and that they are the ones to treat it.

Think of yourself as a time traveler. Going back in time—to the situation where you are now—to the situation where people have never seen what you have already seen in your mind’s eye. Don’t try to argue with history and certainly don’t start any time paradoxes. Just shut yer trap, work, talk only with people who contribute to the controversial effort, and tell your other “volunteer therapist” friends trying to fix you, “I’d rather have you show me what never-before-imagined work only you could get done.”

Troubles come from a variety of sources. Some troubles come from our own stupidity, others come from outside forces we cannot control. When you see someone else caught in too much trouble, don’t add to it.

Help everyone; it doesn’t matter where their trouble came from. Helping people out of trouble that they made for themselves is not an irresponsible thing to do. In fact, it shows people that there is a better and higher way of life on Earth. They already regret their difficulty, they’re likely too embarrassed to say so. When you see someone evidently in distress, nothing says that you know they caused their own problem like proving that you know just how to help them out of it.

When someone tries to apologize, but their effort might seem to be only half of a full apology, just accept their apology as it is. “Um, maybe I was not quite right about half of the things I might have said yesterday when…” Just interrupt the person and say, “Apology accepted. I completely forgive you. Let’s move on.” That will deal with the issue much more effectively than putting them on the witness stand, demanding a full confession in open court. It will address any lack of sincerity, avoid unnecessary shame, and grow your friendship at the same time.

Do not make people fully confess their wrong before you personally forgive them.

Western children understand seeking forgiveness. Good parents demand a full apology from their children to train them to be honest. But, as adults, we must mature beyond our acquired appetite for fully fledged confessions from others.

Love conceals a sin. This does not mean that you have become an accomplice by not shaming and publicly scorning everyone for every transgression. By granting merciful shadows to hide in, you allow people to search their hearts and resolve to be better people without making it impossible to show their faces in public.

If you can help people in distress from their own folly, then you can help anyone in distress. So, what caused other’s problems isn’t your own problem to solve. Just offer a friendly boost wherever you see a boost is needed.